Grateful For

I always seem to find my muse just about the time I should be cleaning the kitchen or doing something else productive. Weird. Nothing like avoiding work to get the writer in me going. I feel okay about it though, maybe that's the problem. Anyway, now on to a little sappy sappiness in honor of Thanksgiving.

This morning I lectured Anna up one side and down the other the whole way to school. Then before they got out of the car we had a quick little family prayer because we forgot to before we left. I said it and asked forgiveness for losing my temper. Before she jumped out of the car Anna gave me a big hug and kiss on my cheek and everything was better. The other day Nate walked by me and out of the blue said, "Love you, Mom." Abby left a little note for me asking if I could please go to the library and get her some more Junie B. Jones books with her cute little messy handwriting and I couldn't stop smiling for a few hours. Ben loves to cuddle with me and stroke my hair. It's so satisfying and so wonderful that I'm positive it adds years to my life every time. I wasn't feeling well last night so Brennan who also wasn't feeling well took all the kids, and all their blankets and pillows to sit on the cafeteria floor of the school for a showing of "Kung-Fu Panda" so that I could relax at home. He's a good man. I'm so grateful for my little family. We have a lot to work on and at times it feels more like a circus or even war zone than a home; however, we do love each other so much and there's just nothing like having a soft, safe place to be and be loved.

After being taught my whole life about the role of my Savior, Jesus Christ, I feel like I'm just now beginning to get it. The older I get and the scarier the world gets, the more I find myself with the tendency to fear and despair. I get discouraged with the fact that I've battling the same old flaws I've had since I was born, I see my kids' flaws and worry that they will debilitate their ability to find joy and peace in their lives, I watch the news and fear the economy, earthquakes, evil, persecution etc. Then I go to church, or read a Conference talk, or read the scriptures, or say my prayers and listen to the Still, Small Voice, or talk to a loved one and remember that "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." The fact that despite all the chaos, danger, and my own weaknesses I can have peace is truly miraculous and a true gift. I feel a lot of peace and a lot of hope and when I do I realize that my same old flaws have changed, that because of a singular sacrifice and an infinite gift, I am slowly but surely changing. One little step after one little step my Savior is guiding me to forsaking my sins and weaknesses and most of all pride and allowing me His grace. There is a LONG way to go, but I am beyond blessed to know the Way. I am so grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who sent His Son for me, and my husband, and my children and well everyone.