Pondering on Parenthood

Parenting has been on my mind a lot lately.  I read a book called Nutureshock which shows through pretty convincing research/studies that many of the things we as parents do with the best of intentions actually have detrimental or at least ineffective results.  It’s becoming more and more apparent to me that even the best of parental intentions just aren’t enough.  I think good intentions count for something, but they don’t ensure against making some pretty whopping mistakes. 

Brennan and I tend to parent by instinct.  I also read and think about  the parenting topic a lot, but basically I go with my gut.  My Mom is a great thinker and she thought through so many things that I never would have.   Things like hating coloring books because she felt they stifled creativity to just color someone else’s designs.  I think she’s right, but I know I would have never figured that out on my own.  

Another thing she taught me that I’m not sure I would have gotten without her is how crucial it is to guard a child’s childhood.  I’m not sure how she knew this was so important, but I’m so glad she  did.   Even though it was sometimes frustrating as a kid when my Mom didn’t have what I deemed a good explanation for not letting me do something, I now believe this is one of the most important things we can do as parents.  That said, we certainly don’t always get it right , but I’m so grateful that at least it’s on my radar, thanks to Mom. 

So often in an effort to be close and connected to our kids we actually put them on the fast track and deprive them of crucial years of their childhoods.   We want them to have every educational advantage so we enroll them in years of academic intensive preschool, we want to have constant assurance of their physical safety and whereabouts so we give them cell phones before they’re mature enough to handle constant access to texting, internet, and music.   We want them to fit in socially so we buy them every new trend, thereby teaching them they are what they wear.  We want to be involved in their lives, so we get unhealthily involved in and even sometimes facilitate their adolescent “love lives”.    Then, ironically, our protective instincts kick in when it comes to responsibilities and consequences for our children.  I keep hearing about young adults who in a lot of ways act like children, they don’t want to grow up and take on the responsibilities of jobs and marriage and family life.   I wonder if that’s at least in part because they weren’t allowed to enjoy their childhoods when they were actually children? 

Childhood is such a gift, ideally it’s a unique little cocoon full of development, imagination, wonder, love and security in a often threatening and uncertain world.  I feel like every year a child can remain in his/her cocoon he/she gains layer after layer of armor against the inevitable battles they must someday face.  Not the false armor of arrogance, aggressiveness, manipulation or defensiveness, but the real stuff – kindness, intelligence, responsibility, creativity, integrity and maturity.

Thank goodness, I had a smart Mom.  I need to do better.