I’ve decided that Christmas is a lot like right after having a new baby. Especially the 3rd or 4th or 5th baby when life no longer stops, when the all the busy-ness and noise and needing marches brutally on. When I had those babies, everything was heightened. I listened for and marveled at the tiny breathes and noises the baby made. Loud noises and especially loud angry noises assaulted my ears and physically pained me. I loved running my finger down the baby’s soft tiny little face and all it’s adorable features, and kissing his tiny fingers while he so contentedly ate snuggled up to me. When the 3 year old body-slammed me or draped him or herself around my leg and the 5 or 6 year old pulled my shirt or tapped my shoulder to get my attention it was like having an anvil shoved into my side or tied to my leg, and a hammer driving a nail into my shoulder. Yes, I’m being a tad bit dramatic, but my point is my sensory system was in overdrive and I could go from celestial bliss to a complete mental breakdown within seconds of each other. That is to be expected after childbirth. Hormones are surging, you’re physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.
What on earth does that have to do with Christmas, you ask? I feel much the same way at Christmas time. I love it, I love the juxtaposition of wet, cold, dark outside against, the cozy warmth with soft lights and sparkly objects everywhere you look inside. I love the softened, open hearts, the giving, the gathering and the music. I love hanging the cards and letters and remembering how many people I love. My senses seem magnified. I can hear the whisperings of the Spirit a little better. I can see the good in people and see past the worst part of ourselves. I can feel my heart open up and appreciate the hugs and touch of those I love. Tears fall easily in gratitude and joy as well as in empathy for others’ heartbreak. However, I guess that quite honestly, those things don’t come very naturally to me because I find it just plain exhausts me. There were so many times this holiday season that literally one minute after drinking in a beautiful moment or thought or interaction, I would swing right on over to allowing myself to be super irritated, strung out or even a little bit shut down over the next thought or interaction. My moods and feelings and actions were just all a bit over the top. Perhaps, I’m not the only one who does that? Maybe that’s why January seems to be nationally recognized as the blahest month ever, cause we’re still trying to find our own equilibrium. We’re still trying to find a balance of taking the good things that made us better and softer from December without bringing the overwhelmed, crazy-eyed, mood-swinging along for the ride for the new year. I guess the best way to really explain both the new baby and Christmas rollercoaster for me is, those are the times I’m closest to Heaven, to whom I should be, but trying to fit those bits of Celestial-ness into my very Telestial-ness wears me right out. I really hope I can up my Telestial-ness into some Terrestrial-ness soon and just keep inching closer and closer to Celestial-ness, cause I would love to get to the point where it was a much more natural fit for me.
Now, with all of that out of the way, here are some pictures to show some of those remember those heavenly Christmas moments by:
The hours the kids spent sledding and playing in the snow, and the aftermath
Winning over $200 of merchandise from Kohls as Dream Receipt Winner!!!!
A beautiful dinner and singing around Janis’ piano in her beautiful home with my Barker aunts and cousins and picturing my Grandparents’ joy:
Bea’s baby blessing, watching Davis (an all-star uncle) become a Dad to this angelic baby girl and Melissa be such a sweet Mom has made me so so happy.
Photo evidence I’m not the only one this season exhausts
Watching Josh’s first preschool program. Watching him have a very Barker response as he burst into fits of nervous laughter because he was self-conscious.
Some stunning snow storms and driving down my beautiful Main Street.
Christmas tree slumber party (minus Anna this year, she wasn’t feeling well) Josh’s first.
A sweet Christmas Eve with all us who live here
A magical Christmas morning
We love Christmas!
3 comments:
Andrea, you write so beautifully! What wonderful descriptions of the feelings of a new mother, and then an any-stage mother at Christmas-Time.
This is an interesting explanation-- "...trying to fit those bits of Celestial-ness into my very Telestial-ness wears me right out" Probably some truth in that-- not of you specifically, but in most of us, inching toward perfection.
And I loved the pictures, many of which reminded me of some precious times!
Amen! December is certainly a roller coaster of emotions, and January I feel like I'm just trying to hold on for dear life :/ You couldn't have said it better.
Cute Pictures!
Those are such cute Christmas photos. Love the shots of Christmas morning.
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